Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Wherein I give you some biographical information

Name: Michael (a.k.a. Commander Data, Daddy, Captain Nerd of the Dorkazoids, the Dumbest Smart Person I Know (wife's pet name for me))

Age: 38. With the Vandyke/chinstrap beardshaved off I get back another 4 years, but then my goyishe shaifeleh face gets me carded everywhere I go. I tried to hide all the grey for a while but figure it just makes me look more seasoned. And oh yeah, friggin' OLD.

Lifestyle: Married. Two kids (boys, 6 and soon-to-be 3). Rockin' suburbia and avoiding sunlight when I can. Two cars, four gerbils and one extra-large capacity washing machine.

Weight: Fluctuates between 240 and 265 depending on how much I get my ass on the treadmill or bike. I tend to self-insulate in the winter months in an attempt to get back to my hibernating roots.

Location: St. Louis Metro Area. I say "Metro" because while I am not technically someone who would willfully live in Missouri, I prefer not to be lumped in with all the non-family-tree-forking Southern "Illinoyse-yans" that everyone else in the U.S. seems to think the denizens of the Land of Lincoln descend from.

Profession: Used to be a cell biologist/biochemist. Went back and got a computer science degree. Worked for years as a scientist/IT guru, maintaining computer systems for laboratories, but now I do Quality Assurance for a pharmaceutical company. The job entails making sure the guys in the lab do their jobs right so that the drugs we make don't get you sick or kill you (don't worry, it's all a means of avoiding litigation wrapped in a nice, altruistic blanket). Sometimes it's a glorified description for what a Borg drone could essentially do, except I am not worthy of a numerical designation.

Music: I consider myself traditional eclectic--could be Mozart one day then Metallica the next. I am currently on a kick for audio college courses (The Teaching Company, etc.) catching up on such diverse topics as Ancient Egyptology, The History of Science, Darwinism vs. Creationism and so on. I will occasionally knock back an audio book (I found The Da Vinci Code to be a dreadful 'listen', cannot imagine actually reading it) but for the most part aside from twangy country or hardcore gangsta rap (I will however take old Ice Cube over 50-Cent any day) I can listen to anything. I am not much on local music or the 'indie/myspace' scene, but I get it in dribs and drabs when I can.

Likes: I love movies (theater and DVD), anything and everything to do with pop culture and TV shows. Basically take 4 parts Family Guy, 2 parts Robot Chicken, mix liberally with South Park and the Daily Show and you have me in a nutshell. Maybe add a touch of I Love the 80s and that gives it a nice coat. I love to read (again, anything and everything--usually have 3-4 books of various genres going at any given time), and am rediscovering the wonders of Dr. Seuss, insects and wildlife with my boys. I took up a lot of walking and biking in my recent years, and enjoy a long ride on the local trails with the iPod cranked up to 11. I find very little taboo to discuss, the obvious religion (self-excommuniated Catholic) and politics aside (firmly entrenched in the middle-of-the-road--libertarian/green/democrat-lite). I love to cook Indian cuisine, although the smells put many people off, including the wife and everyone in my family. McDonald's French Fries, Girl Scout Thin Mints (frozen solid with a glass of ice-cold milk) and Ranch Corn Nuts are my crack cocaine.

Dislikes: I detest racism, homophobia and sexism. My ears hurt when I hear someone say that this is a Christian Nation, when the Founding Fathers were anything but Christians as they classify themselves today. Hypocrisy in any form just infuriates me, whether it's the idea of mega churches, schools insisting that abstinence be taught but prohibiting access or education about birth control, the usual things that make me wonder how we as a species ever crawled out of the caves. The idiocy of the body-conscious culture in American and Europe never ceases to amaze me. In a culture where girls are taught that a size 12 is 'plus,' and that everyone can be as thin as a Paris or Linsey (assuming they have the 20K for a personal trainer and nutritionist), it bothers me to no end that anti-fat thinking is the only remaining socially-acceptable stereotype. The hypocrisy of poking fun at a fat person whilst simultaneously advertising something as frightening as a McGriddle says something very farked-up about the way we see ourselves.

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